Thursday, May 27, 2004

Thank GOD! The Boy went to sleep last night in his crib around 8:30. I gave him some ibuprofin in the afternoon after much cranking and the difference was amazing. I got my cheery little guy back! Last couple nights had me feeling a little doomed. Every time I say out loud that he's doing well, we backslide. He woke up every hour and a half or so and fussed. But that's OK. I just go in touch his face and hands softly and whisper "shhhhhhh... It's ok little pumpkin." and he goes back to sleep. He was nursing a lot in the night again, but that's OK. He's getting so many teeth at once. Poor little dude.

I'm reading Kate Atkinson's "Human Croquet." It's just heartbreaking. I have a completely different take on books about parents and children now. It's about 2 misfit kids growing up in Gleeblands, England. Their mother disappeared when they were little and they live amongst broken depressed adults. This is where it gets weird. The fabric of time begins to shift and Isobel, the main character finds herself in Shakespearian times. But it's SO sad to think of kids growing up without parents.

Kids so often fancy themselves orphans. Their "real" parents are kings and queens and will come rescue them from their cruel step-parents who make them eat spinach and clean their rooms. But the reality is that kids love their parents and crave their approval, no matter how flawed the parents are. That's such a daunting responsibility. Your kids will love you and need you no matter WHAT you do, so don't fuck up!! You may get that love, but you won't be worthy of it. Will I be the one to destroy that innocence? God I hope not.

My neighbor has a four year old daughter who is the sweetest little girl. Every time she sees my son she gives him kisses and says how cute he is. She's got a heart of gold. This poor little girl is so uncool. The kids will make mincemeat of her in public school in a couple years. I can just tell because she is me at that age. And I was brutalized by my peers. Girls can be SO nasty.


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