Monday, September 27, 2004

It's been a while since I've posted. I got caught up in the insanity of Orientation at Emerson, followed by a week of SANS training. The training was excellent. Orientation was exhausting, but as usual when it ended I felt that I had really accomplished something.

Rich is interviewing for a job in Syracuse of all places. Suddenly my nice comfortable life could totally and completely change and the thought terrifies me. Actually the thought of moving back to that area is quite comforting. I spent all my summers of my childhood in Ithaca only 60 miles south of Syracuse and I have the best memories of that time. But this period of unknowing what will happen next is completely excruciating for me. We are all crazy. And it is best if we understand our own insanity to function in life. This is killing me. Rich has his second phone interview on Wednesday and hopefully we'll have more information to go on after that. But until then each minute beats like that last hour of grammar school before summer vacation. I am crazy. I will be choosing between two good things that are dramatically different. But they're not bad things. It's like that time when you're waiting to hear if you got a house you put an offer on. It's fine if you get it, it's sad but fine if you don't. But the not knowing and having NO control is intolerable.

Plus it's dredged up a bunch of issues for me about work, and working full time that I'd really rather not deal with. I was so exhausted after Orientation that I made the stupidest mistake that I've ever made at work since I hit my 30's. Things are not quite right yet. I'm pretty sure no harm was done because I caught it.

My head is spinning my brains into painful tapioca.

In other news, The Boy is doing GREAT. It's still really painful to drop him off at school, but it's getting easier. But the work/life balance is slipping for me. Eric is clingy and needs me. As the week wears on it gets worse and worse. By Friday we're both a mess and by Monday, all is well, after we've spent a weekend together. This is not sustainable when Rich goes back to work, no matter where he ends up. It 'aint going to work.

This is nerve wracking as well.

I apologize to my vast public for the drama and angst of this 'blog.


Post a Comment

<< Home