It's been almost 10 months since I had a paying job. Lately, I've been feeling some twinges that feel remarkably like me missing work. Last week was so unbelievably hard. I got stood up for play dates three times. The play dates are my social life. A virtual water cooler where parents get together and our three-year-olds are interested enough in each other that they don't leap around the house trying to knock the paintings off the walls shouting "Mommy! Look what I can do! Mommy! Look what I can do! Mommy! Look what I can do!" over and over again. The moms chat, catch up on our uneventful domestic lives while breaking up preschool arguments over toys and baby sisters.
But moms of little kids often need to cancel play dates at the last minute, due to illness, lack of napage or whatever. So, I was left in the lurch and by the end of the week, I had completely lost my sh*t.
But this week was like magic and I totally remembered why I quit my job to stay home with the kids. For starters, it was much warmer and we could get out of the house. In the mornings, Kaylee and I went to story hour at the library in Cambridge, and to the Somerville Babygarten. We had friends over Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon. Yesterday we walked over to my sister's house and had dinner over there. This morning, I visited my friend Joy and her baby (She has Fridays off). Kaylee stood up without holding on to anything for a few seconds for the very first time. After I got Eric from school and he took a nap, I visited a new friend in Cambridgeport.
I think I overdid the play dates this week, but God DAMN I feel great. It's Friday night and I am happy and calm. All is right with the world. Today was particularly spectacular. I had adult conversations, both my kids napped at about the same time. I was able to clean up the kitchen and take a nap while they slept. Eric was just spectacular to be around after he woke up. He was listening and focused. He had a lovely tea party with the little girl we visited in the afternoon. He was calm and happy when we took him out to eat and flirted with the teenagers in the booth behind us. I spent the whole car ride home telling him how proud I was of his behavior this afternoon, listing each little thing he did right. He seemed very proud.
So, weeks like this I am totally grooving on doing the mom thing. Last week I was sliding into clinical depression. But the clouds in my head clear so quickly now. In my 20's I went entire weekends without leaving my bed other than to eat or pee. But now that crushing depression is so fleeting. It's just there as a reminder so I know how good things really are.