Friday, March 09, 2007

From the "My husband thinks I'm a moron" department

It was roughly 8:00 AM and I was getting Eric into his boots so Rich could take him to school. I was a little hungry so I popped some bread into the toaster oven and turned it on and proceeded to help E into his outdoor clothes.

Rich came down to snag a cup of Joe for the road and called out "Do you know there's toast being made in here?"

GAH! Of course there was toast in there. Did he think it magically appeared? Did he think we have some kind of toast fairy that sneakily tries to set fire to people's houses by putting BREAD in the TOASTER OVEN and TURNING IT ON????

yes, that's probably what he thought. Or he thought that I had somehow put in the toast and immediately forgotten about it.

The sad thing is that it's all together possible that I would do that. I'd be sitting upstairs an hour later thinking... Hmmm toast might be good about now. I'd put in the toast and get distracted by a little ball of fluff floating in the air... then 2 hours later I'd be really hungry but there would be no bread and then I'd get distracted by a little ball of fluff floating in the air...

No wonder I've been losing weight lately.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Potty Training: From the top of the Hill

I've avoided writing about Eric's potty training on here because it's not a good idea to write things in public that your kids might get teased about later. But I learned a lot in the process so I thought I'd make some general comments about it. So, here goes:

  1. Potty training is very stressful. For the parents. Most preschool/toddler boys couldn't care less that they are standing in urine. Whereas, parents find the concept of a large puddle of pee being trailed and scattered through the house by a fast moving and oblivious bolt of lightning aka three-year-old-boy unspeakably daunting.
  2. Do NOT start this process until your kid is on board. Even if you have to wait until they are three or 4.
  3. NEVER pick a fight you can't win with a toddler or a preschooler. Potty training is NO exception. There is NOTHING you can do to make them use the toilet until they are comfortable with the idea.
  4. Even when they are on board, there will be a lot of accidents. Sometimes four or five in an hour. Learn to love your washing machine.
  5. One day, like magic they will stop having accidents. Then for about a week, out of nowhere they will start again. But the days and weeks between the spate of accidents will keep getting longer and longer.
  6. A pee soaked bag of clothes, thoughtfully knotted into a plastic grocery bag by a teacher will become utterly foul if you leave it sitting in the laundry for more than a day. (this is a very important rule)
  7. Once you commit to the underpants for good, you will be housebound for a few weeks.
  8. Use pull ups for naps and night time until they're dry on their own. Even if your kid is in grade school before you can get rid of them. This is biological and developmental. They will be dry through the night when their bodies are ready. No amount of fluid limitations will help until their bodies mature. Some kids can do this at three, some not until they are in early adolescence. Treat it like an allergy they will outgrow.
  9. Two words: Nature's Miracle. Just go to a pet store and ask for it. It works on human pee too. It will save your carpets.
  10. Lastly when you're up to your elbows in pee for the sixth time that day, and it's only 8:30 AM and you're wondering if your kid will ever get it, just remember. This too shall pass.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Just who the Hell are YOU? (In case you're wondering)

Name: Margaret Sanford
Old Name: Margaret Block, AKA Meg Block

Age: 36 in 2007

Things I love:
My kids
My husband
My extended and immediate family
My house
Baking things that contain chocolate, butter and sugar on a cold day
(cooking in general)
Doing kids stuff on the weekend with the whole family
nap time
Really compelling books

Things I can't stand
stomach viruses (mine or other people's)
cigarette and cigar smoke in outdoor playgrounds
Junior ho' clothes on little girls
Commercials at the movies
Toddlers with bottles or binkies
Toddlers/Preschoolers who are in charge. (They make damn lousy adults.)
TV with commercials that I can't fast forward through
Parents who ignore their kids on the playground (when there are smaller children there)
99% of video games

Things I most yearn for:
Time alone. Completely alone.
Riding horses seriously again.
Time with my whole family.
my sense of smell (OK, so I've had a nasty cold these last few days)
nap time

Most absurd thing I've ever heard myself say as a parent:
"Eric GET your HEAD OUT of the TOILET!"