Oh EVIL shoes! Thou hath seduced me
Nothing says, I HAVE MADE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO LET MYSELF GO than a pair of crocs on an adult. I resisted for many years but somehow this summer, after watching my kids climb in them, run through sprinklers and slip them on and off in the blink of an eye, I thought maybe they weren't such a bad idea. I thought "I'll only wear them around the house --Just something to come in and out of the backyard in." But they're comfortable, strangely comfortable considering they're made out of jelly plastic. Remember jellies? Your feet would be a giant blister after about an hour. But not so with crocs. Now between the rain and my kids constantly wanting to play in the water, I strangely found myself wearing them further and further afield until I found myself walking to work in them (and at least changing into a nice pair of Sofft pumps when I got there).
Oh the shame of it! Slipping my feet into an ugly purple plastic clamshell and pronouncing to the world "I don't care that I look like a dumbass!" When secretly I do, but I want to wear shoes that can get wet, that don't make my feet sweat, and that need overrides any fear of dumbass-edness that lurks on the vainer side of my brain (which by the way is MORTIFIED by these shoes). My whole consciousness has been bifurcated by a pair of ugly shoes where functionality has replaced form to the point of absurdity. WHY? WHY must they be so ugly and so comfortable? I used to wear Teva sandals, but when they get wet, they start to chafe, whereas crocs dry in about one minute and don't give you blisters. I tend to find myself with wet shoes while far away from my house with no way to get home, but my own two feet. And
DAMN you crocs you temptress of all that is ugly in footwear. I have fallen to your whims.