A nice Irrational Walk in the Fells
I'm afraid of heights. Dramatically, desperately and completely irrationally. I had to hold up Eric so he could see the view and he was a little wiggly and I almost started screaming, I was so terrified he'd fall over the edge. The tower is quite rickety an the railing is missing chunks in part, so it wasn't completely crazy of me to be very worried. But it was mostly crazy.
I wasn't always like this. Then one time a few years back, I went on a tour of The House of the Seven Gables in Salem. I realized during that cramped tour through tiny rooms with dozens of people that I am completely claustrophobic. My heart started pounding, my breath was short and erratic, and I was terrified we'd all burn up in there if there was a fire. Again, it wasn't completely irrational. If there had been a fire, the house would have gone up in about 2 seconds. 400 year old wood is like that. The windows were too small for an adult to fit through, and that's if a firetruck could even get close enough to help people out safely. But what are the chances of it burning down the day I'm on a tour there? The odds were definitely in my favor.
But ever since that day, I've had this weird thing with heights and small spaces. It makes me really fun to fly with, let me tell you! However, I do pull myself together to fly on an airplane. Because of the kids. Otherwise, I'd just bring a bunch of vallium and sing the whole way down to Florida.
But back to The Fells. The kids were quite good. Kaylee didn't do much walking. She did run up to Eric and grab his hand a few times and they would walk together looking absurdly pleased with themselves. Kaylee loves it because she loves to be with him. Eric loves it because he loves to be with her, and it makes him feel big and responsible. Their relationship is so amazing. I suppose they'll fight more once she starts talking. But for now, they're quite magical together.
You worry so much about what you're taking away from your first born when you give them a sibling. But you don't really fathom what you're giving them until you see it yourself. It's really quite remarkable.